frankenfoot status update

after 20 months of almost no movement in my left foot I have started to be able to wiggle my toes and I now have limited movement of the foot itself. I had not been able to ride a bike at all at the gym, the motion just wasn't there but for the past two weeks I am riding an hour a day on the bike (with my foot strapped to the pedal). I'm able to reach a comfortable 3mph on the treadmill but nothing like when i could run 11-12mph sprints before. But it is progress; considering I had been told I would never walk again (well my family was told i was going to be a vegetable or dead but when i woke up from the coma they said i would probably never walk again) so me walking again is a big deal. Two weeks ago I quit using my ankle brace after it cut me pretty bad; so I have literally force my foot to work again.

So i give you some motivation from my gym's wall.

the meaning of life and reality as we know it.

Time is not a linear line, we perceive it that way because of our senses; but we can not perceive the vibrations of light or sound as they truly are. How can I say this and be so sure of myself and my idea of this? Because i have seen it first hand and experienced it.

Imagine if you experiencing your entire life in a moment; every decision you ever made and the resulting timeline; now imagine every other decision that could have been made and those timelines, down the line with an infinite number of dividing pathways. The best way i can describe it is you are at a store with a wall of televisions; imagine you are at walmart in electronics looking at tvs, the picture on each screen is another wall of tv's and you can see everything on every screen simultaneously. Now imagine you are not just seeing everything but you are experiencing everything all at the same time; every taste, touch, smell, sound, sensation and the emotion all at once, not just your emotions but the emotions of every single person you have ever interacted with. Everyone you have ever had any interaction with you are tied to in some way; in fact we are all connected. Outside of your SELF, outside of you, there is a lot more and when you touch this greater sense you realize it; you can never turn back because now you are awake in a world of sleepers. "this is all a dream within a dream" is one way I would describe our reality. The meaning of life? you can jokingly say it is 42, because there is no solid answer other than the emotional impact everyone has on each other. Like I said this is not a timeline of moment A and moment B but it is everything and all the potential everythings; LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT. Space, Time, and personal experience is pretty much FUBAR to try to explain in any sort of form because it is entirely a personal experience; therefore reality is not the same to any single person. Your perception of a minute might be different than mine, it is entirely up to our internal system to determine.



I need to back up a moment and explain something, I have hinted at this. May 23, 2014 I was found dead, well basically dead. Four heartbeats a minute, cold and grey; turns out i had been in this state for 17 hours before medical attention. In truth, I had overdosed after a really painful breakup and divorce. I was at the end of my line and the only way out I saw was to die; but I did not intend to go out like that, the overdose was an accident brought on by my self-destruction. I am not proud at all of that time in my life, I would do anything to stop others from making the choices I made, but my time out of my body experiencing what I can only describe as a near death experience changed me. No one is worth dying over, at the time though I was so heart broken it only made sense to me but coming out of it I understood that it was better to break things off than to both be unhappy. i will write more about the experience of dying and the physical, emotional and mental recovery I experienced at a later time.

For now i was merely trying to explain the fractal sense I experienced of what we perceive as reality. Sit back and enjoy the ride. Be kind to others. Think before you speak, you shouldn't try to hurt anyone. There is a singularity that we are experiencing in another form; so try not to be an asshole.

i probably forgot to include some details. like oh shit this one is important.

Simultaneously to my experience of infinite realities as a singularity i experienced the entire universe, the multiverse really. TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN. I saw it all expanding out to infinity and then contracting down to a single point of light over and over and over and over and... this happened an infinite number of times in my experience and every time i experienced everything on every world and every star, the entire experience of everything, every emotion and experience of every being. I WAS AT THE ONE, THE GOD HEAD, THE MOMENT OF CREATION AND DESTRUCTION AND EVERYTHING WAS ONE AND THE SAME; I HAD LOST THE EXPERIENCE OF SELF SEEING EVERYTHING AS THE SAME. The is no forever, forever is not forever; everything is one. Let go of your SELF and be at one.

The is comfort in the idea of self though, so enjoy that experience. Being back in my body I have become hyper aware of emotions of those around me, I need to shut that down sometimes and block all that out. It becomes overwhelming in large crowds and I pick up on things I do not want to experience; the emotions of others are bitter and are not fun to experience.

who am i and why do i have a frankenfoot to blog about

Hello reader, I have been a lurking paranormal researching for a while; I mean that I have been reading books on the topic for most of my life and have had many experiences that i will get into at a later time when i feel more comfortable talking about them. The thought of starting a paranormal blog started a while back, May of 2014 I had a near death experience, when I woke up from my coma I wanted to talk about what I had seen and my experience (that is also a topic i will get into here at a later time). While i recovered in the hospital I read some Nick Redfern, listened to Darkness Radio and many other paranormal podcasts, and I learned how to walk with a walker.

Here it is almost two years later and I finally came up with a name for the blog; (thank you Red Pill Junkie) i had sent a tweet about how electric stimulation to my nerves had started to make my mostly useless left foot start working more. RPJ tweeted some fire at me about how i missed a good hashtag opportunity... and with this tweet this blog was created.

My left foot has not fully recovered since my near death experience; full disclosure I had been "dead" for about 17 hours, the lack of oxygen to my extremities caused the nerves to be extremely damaged; when I woke up from the coma only my right arm worked and the last rites will need to be read one more time hopefully many many years from now. Recently my toes have started to be able to move, that is a big deal. I want you to wiggle your toes, there you have more control of your left foot than i have. Now i want you to flex your foot down, great I just recently started to be able to do that comfortably. Now flex your foot back up, that is the thing I can not do, that is why I need to wear a big ankle brace with special shoes; I need to make my foot work like a normal foot, like your foot probably works. When you lose something physically, you never knew how good you had it until it is gone; my left hand and foot have been on fire since I was able to start feeling them again. Nerve pain is basically as bad as it gets.

The physical therapist got me a TENS (Transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation) Unit to help with the nerve recovery; although I did not use it as much as I could have it was not until playing Deux Ex: Human Revolution a cyberpunk/futurist game backed by actual science... I fell down a YouTube hole; I saw a name on a door in the game. Will Rosellini. I had heard that name before but I wasn't sure where, so I searched his name and I came across a TED talk he did (then i followed more and more videos down the suggested videos list until i came across a video about TENS style electrics being installed under the skin, directly on the nerves).

So i guess Will Rosellini is partly responsible for me using my TENS unit more, for my foot starting to work more and for RPJ telling me to use the #Frankenfoot hashtag more. The foot is working more.

But absolutely nothing here is really that paranormal, i mean other than my near death experience that I have not talked about here and I will not discuss yet.
I want to talk about things that I have been interested in for years and things I discover as this blog goes on. Ghosts/hauntings, UFOs, Cryptids, shadow people, near death experiences and things like that.

I'd really like to research local things, but when i was in the hospital my cousins and i had decided we should go to Gettysburg and go ghost hunt there.

okay. i rambled, did not proof read or really plan this out. I will be working on this blog more often.